(distr)action action

After seeing several recent abuses of the concept of affirmative (distr)action, I've decided to join in. Please donate to my new fund, the scholarship for individuals who are vertically challenged*, left-handed**, married***, parents****, and members of a minority Christian denomination deemed non-Christian by major Protestant organizations, or VCLHMPMMC fund (prounounced vickal-himpmick).

* At least two standard deviations below the mean. Those who cannot define standard deviation need not apply. Those who can derive a closed-form expression for the univariate standard deviation of a normally distributed variable using the method of moments will be given special consideration.
** Must be able to demonstrate writing with the left hand and use of the computer mouse with both hands. The handedness requirement will be waived for applicants who can type in Dvorak.
*** Currently married, not divorced or separated
**** At least one child must be under the age of two at the time of application. This ensures that the implicit requirement of sleep deprived is met.

The VCLHMPMMC does not discriminate on the basis of anything else, because we have discriminated enough already. Unless you can describe the difference between differential item functioning (DIF) and measurement non-invariance (nMI), which are technical definitions of discrimination. In that case, we'll discriminate in your favor.